Baha'i beyond concepts

This is an experiment in describing an indescribable experience I had some four years ago upon this writing.  I have not attempted to put this to pen until now for the sheer limits of language and the highly personal nature of the contents.  But, because of several requests, I set this now before you in hopes that my experience may serve to encourage and verify your own quest for the unspeakable and profound love found upon your reunion with God.

Something happened to me.  I have never heard of anything like this ever happening to any other ordinary Baha’i.  I don’t even know if it is “legal” to try to report this, but here goes:

I had been primarily a dysfunctional human trying not to notice how dead and fake everything felt.  Nothing made sense to me.  I couldn’t fathom how controlling myself into the prescribed behaviors could be what the religious laws intended.  It just felt like hypocrisy.  Breaking the laws didn’t work either, of course, yet, I found myself breaking them over and over, as if on purpose!  But there I would go, slinking off in my “guilt” resolving to be “better” next time.  It never worked.  I was a mess and I knew it. Finally, I had to admit I just couldn’t fix myself, and never would “make it”.  Everything went flat.  Even being the best Baha’i I could just didn’t cut it.  The small self “I” had constructed out of ideas of “should” and fearfully controlled behavior was just covering up my rage at this imprisoning attempt to shut down on the life force that was trying to gush through me.  I was devastated. I knew I couldn’t kill myself because I’d already tried and failed. Finding it impossible to continue my charade of “life”, I started praying more earnestly than I ever had (and I was a very earnest prayer).  I just wanted God to either take me out of the game or bring me SOMETHING – I didn’t even know what--that would HEAL me – restore my aliveness! 

    Within a week of this series of prayers I was led to meet some beings that, somehow through proximity, instantaneously imparted to me an experience of Divine contentment and peace with attendant luminous qualities that demonstrated the completely subjective nature of my reality.  THIS was EXACTLY what I had asked for!  I had to know how to sustain this feeling.  But what to do?  They weren’t even Baha’i’s.  In fact, they were suspiciously connected with some kind of cult organization that studied A Course in Miracles – some channeled book about Jesus (which turns out to be an astonishing training manual for your mind).  However, I could not deny the truth of the experience I had had because of them.  I knew I had to follow this light wherever it led. 

     I was invited to attend an event being hosted by this “cult” in San Francisco a month later: A Miracle Reunion of Teachers of God.  In the spirit of independent investigation of truth, I decided I had to go. 

     As soon as I entered the meeting hall, I recognized these “people” as the ones I had been looking for!  At their center was a powerful Presence who served as spokesperson for the undulating orchestration of this conglomeration of souls.  Like birds in flight, they turned, as waves of simultaneous exclamation and outbursts erupted while he spoke. This Teacher, explaining the ever-increasing obviousness of the truth, narrated this demonstration of our inherent oneness as light energy.  He called it Singular Reality.  His awake mind began to stir mine from its sleep.  Soon, I too was beginning to attune to the light!  During the five days that I participated in this event I was taken to higher and deeper states of illumination as each day progressed culminating in the Grand Event that I refer to as my total awakening. 

     On the morning of the fifth day, I was beginning to see edges of light around everything.  People’s eyes appeared to be on fire.  I was in a highly communicative state of mind in which everything seemed to be talking to me, synchronous, holy, full of meaning, joyful and timeless.  I experienced a physical sensation of full-chakra opening – like everything had been turned back on, full blast!  

     That night I did not sleep.  I went through what I can only call a dark night of the soul.  It was a very fearful night. If what I was hearing inside myself was true, then my life was part of some unalterable destiny that portended great sacrifice and peril, which I knew I could not avoid.  A turning point came around 4 am.  I realized I couldn’t die because I was eternal and therefore would come to no harm.  Still gloomy I made my way to the airport.  Slowly the gloom began to lift. I sensed something wonderful was beginning to happen.  Roosters in the airport being shipped somewhere began to crow.  I knew they were heralding my awakening. “Time to wake up!” They crowed. 

     The whole plane ride was luminous and heavenly.  Everyone’s eyes had a timeless, holy light in him or her, which betrayed their apparent ordinary human disguises.  My energetic channel seemed to have its own will and purpose: the reclamation of projected thought.  Energetic whorls spiraled from my midsection into those seated near me, and “cleaned out” my ideas about their identities and symptoms.  I moved about the plane during the flight…something that I had never done before but which was directed by an Unseen Force, a Voice in my ear.  I changed seats twice, although I don’t know how this could have happened as the flight was full. I interacted with several individuals, also directed by this Force, which I now have learned to call the Voice of the Holy Spirit.  This was not an imagined Voice.  It was a certain, clear, unmistakable knowing. 

     As the plane made its approach into Albuquerque, a traveling companion sang a chant into my ear.  Simultaneously, in the other ear, the planes loudspeaker came on as the grating voice of the stewardess announced the details of landing.  The effect upon my mind was as if my awareness was being split, opened somehow.  A golden light, a kind of elixir flowed down over my crown and forehead.  There was a sense that this was a gift, an essential bestowal for what was about to occur.  Time was speeding up, while I felt slower, calmer…certain. 

     Upon deplaning, I had to cross through the arrival gates.  While going through the first doorway, an energetic veil stripped away from my perceptual field.  Everything popped into a bright and vibrating luminosity, the very molecules of all things appeared to be moving faster.  I scarcely had time to notice this, when I passed through the next gate.  A second veil stripped away.   

     Suddenly I was standing in an ocean of light.  Everything, visible, including my body had blown to light.  Waving lines of energy were emanating from the horizon in all directions and flowing towards me and through me finally rolling up behind me like waves on the shore. There were no separate objects, nothing had a name.  My thoughts had ceased…I was pure experience, pure being.  All was unified, connected in these waving flows of energy, ecstatic, alive.  Somehow, utterly familiar but somehow new.  I was profoundly quiet within. No matter which direction I turned my head these waves rolling up were always behind me.  The “rolling up” seemed to correspond with the flow of eternity. As though time itself was rolling up behind me.  There was no link between each moment and the next; each had a total experience. Impossible to describe, this was an encounter unmistakably Divine in nature.  “I” had disappeared.  There was only this profound Love, God. Supreme Bliss.  I knew “I” did not exist and, in fact, never had.  It had always been there...this Totality.  The biggest deal of all, and paradoxically, I felt so utterly natural, that it was no big deal. 

      And then “I” had a thought.  My first thought was that “one” would have to have great sobriety to sustain such an experience.   Oops!  My next thought was…. floor…and then…oh, yeah…escalator…arm… and then the whole world arose again.  I realized then that this must have been how I “made” the world in the first place.   

      I sat down.  Something stupendous had just happened to me. This was an experience of God.  I did not then realize that I had already begun to fall back asleep.  Still, I could never return my mind to unawareness of what I recognized with exceeding certainty as my real Eternal Self.  This was way more than I had asked for!  I’d had no idea!   

     For a moment, I couldn’t see, there was so much light.  My two friends appeared and flanking me guided me down the escalator towards the baggage claim.  As an almost comical confirmation of the truth of what I had just witnessed, there at the bottom of the escalator was a huge sign in big letters that read “Knowledge of God”.  Strangely coincidental, some book venders had set up a stall to sell some kind of religious books in the airport that day.  

     As I drove away it hit me – the full impact of the intense love that God had for me.  My heart throbbed right out of my chest!  I was overcome with tears of joy.  At that moment I felt a little pop and “I”, as a point of consciousness, popped out of the “bubble” that seemed to be containing my reality.  I was now on the outside of my existence aware that always, always, it had only been just ME! 

     I was also in receipt of a personal revelation meant only for me.  In the form of  my purpose in God’s plan and my true identity.  A set of instructions was given me and I seemed to have undergone a restoration of all my inherent faculties as if I had never suffered any fracturing or lessening of my innate potentialities. This set of instructions continues to guide my endeavors in this new phase of life and has proven to be accurate to the initial revelation.  It has much to do with the association of souls with whom I have come to be intimately associated in a singular task in the enfoldment of our joint destiny, although there is no one outside this joint destiny. 

    Needless to say, having tasted of the sweetness of this condition, nothing else can ever attract me.  There is nothing else to be desired.  And although this occurrence has not been repeated, I have a continually opening vista as I find myself up and out into eternity…and back again in time.  And so it goes, until time is no more.

      It is my hope that you will find my story inspiring and that it will ignite in you the determination to reach higher than you might have dared.   As for me, I continue in an entirely new way, waging the joyous, gruesome battle of illusion brought to truth in a constant sea of Salvation.  Yes, at times it feels like severe mental testing in this transformational encounter with Singular Mind, but dear friend, the reward is great – I have brushed eternity. And if this has happened for me, then, because of our Oneness, this will (and has) happened for you.  

      As Baha’u’llah is constantly encouraging us:

      “God, the Eternal Truth, is My witness that streams of fresh and soft-flowing waters have gushed from the rocks through the sweetness of the Words uttered by your Lord the Unconstrained: and still ye slumber.  Cast away that which ye possess, and on the wings of detachment, soar beyond all created things. …Know ye from what heights your Lord, the All-Glorious is calling? …Did ye but know it; ye would renounce the world and would hasten with your whole hearts to the presence of the Well-Beloved.  Your spirits would be so transported by His Word as to throw into commotion the Greater World—how much more this small and petty one?” (Gleanings of Baha’u’llah). 

     Dearest Friend, I love you with all my heart.  I thank you for every step you take in His service.  It is a step you take for me and for us all.  We REALLY are ONE!   

Love is all there is.  May God bless you, glorious one. 

I am yours,

Oraea Varis

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