as a kid, I seemed to just know things that no one else knew. Not even
my parents or their friends, things that were so obvious to me. And
when I told them, they just laughed. For instance, I knew that if I
could just remember something I wanted, I would have it…I didn’t
even know what this meant at the time! I just knew it was true! And,
when I was eight, I knew the reason we couldn’t detect life on other
worlds was obviously because our instruments (made from the stuff of
this world) could only measure what was here—I knew that life beyond
our world was completely different—so we didn’t have the right
“stuff” to make the instruments that could find life on other worlds!
There was no question in my mind that the universe was full of life…how
could anyone not know this?
With my family
and other adults, I was deeply disturbed by the vicious reaction they
often had towards anyone who made a mistake. I couldn’t understand why
they couldn’t see that the person was already suffering the
embarrassment and shame from their failure; they didn’t need to be
punished or humiliated to make sure they learned their lesson. People
didn’t seem to know their pain like I did.
In school, my
teachers sent notes home to my parents; not because I was unruly, but
because I was far too quiet and would daydream much of the time. And, I
could never figure out how to think or talk like the other kids—to join
in with the ridicule and cutting remarks that made them laugh at the one
being cut-down. Instead, I often stuck up for the one being picked on.
Strangely, they left me alone and I was welcome in their groups, though
I never knew why anyone would want to be with me. I felt invisible and
I thought I had nothing to offer.
In Church (I
tried many as I grew up) I was perplexed by the obvious and prevalent
attitude that Church was the place to show off your spouse and children
or your clothes and jewelry; and when the service was over, to chat
about current events, or gossip about your neighbors. Where was God?
Where was Jesus?
Where was the
holiness that I felt in my dreams of Jesus and Mary? The light and
colors emanating from them was so indescribably ALIVE, beautiful and
peaceful, full of love and understanding. This was the Life I knew we
were supposed to be sharing, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. What was
going on? How could I fix it?
As a very
young child, I constantly pondered the meaning and purpose for this life
and finally one day I got the answer. Suddenly, I knew in a flash that
if I could truly be happy I would save the world! I knew I could end
all the suffering, all the unhappiness. I was absolutely certain that
this was true! But I had no idea how to be truly happy…
point on I tried everything I could, to make myself and others happy.
Being born and raised in the San Francisco Bay Area in California,
besides religion and atheism, I tried every form of psychotherapy,
hypnosis, body work, nutrition, yoga, EST, meditation and metaphysical
teachings, shamanism, and breath work—becoming a respected and loved
teacher of nearly every discipline I practiced. Throughout each new
discipline and practice I had more and more visions, light experiences
and sudden Knowing, yet I was growing more and more dissatisfied.
On one hand,
with my groups of committed students and friends, the love, compassion
and intimacy from sharing our mutual struggles and relief from our
spiritual experiences was growing. Yet my despair and intolerance for
having to be in this world at all was also growing! I was
getting more and more depressed after each joyous encounter. It didn’t
make sense! So, in spite of all my ecstatic experiences my life was
going in the opposite direction towards my goal of being truly happy. I
felt something was terribly wrong with me and my fear of what was
happening to me was deepening every day.
Then one day I
ran into a married couple I hadn’t seen for some months. We had worked
intensely together for over four years in EST (an educational
corporation that offered transformational workshops) and each of us had
left when we no longer found the work to be, “this is it!” But now
months later, they really were different. They were calm. They
were relaxed and they were peaceful. The anxiety was gone. And, the
need to sell me on what they were doing now was gone. They were just
being themselves. And, because I asked, they told me they were
doing a course from Jesus.
A course from
Jesus! WOW! Three books in one, called “A Course in Miracles”. I ran
out and got the book.
HA! The first
three chapters were so frustrating!
obviously talking from an experience he knew about, but he was talking
about it as if I did too, but I didn’t! And, he didn’t explain or give
any examples—I was so angry that he wasn’t giving me what I needed!
But, I kept going because he obviously knew something beyond what I
knew, and that’s what I wanted. I needed an answer that no one in this
And bingo, in
the next chapter his words hit me right between the eyes, literally!
was with me! Jesus was inside me talking to me. But it was beyond just
words; as I read his words I felt him! I felt his feelings, and they
were my feelings! I would read an idea and I would be so overwhelmed by
the feeling or meaning of it as Jesus knows it, that I had to stop and
let it overtake me…I felt completely “replaced” with each of these “overtakings”!
I was learning directly from this brand new experience, this merging
with Jesus, his thoughts and feelings, what I had long ago forgotten!
And, he knew
everything about me and it felt so good! At last, I wasn’t alone!
Finally, I was completely known and loved. I shook and trembled for
hours as I cried and cried and cried; tears of remembering everything
again that I had missed for so long that I had completely forgotten!
starting to remember? Do you feel the stirring in your own heart? We
are not from here. We are not of this world. WE ARE HERE TO REMEMBER.
We come from Love, we are Love, and we bring only Love. We forgot and
now we are remembering, and through remembering building the bridge back
to Love. That’s why we’re here. Because Love really is
the Answer. It is the one Answer to the one question of the world that
solves all problems forever. Remember the question? What am I doing
here? What happened?
To forget who
you are and why you are here is the sickness of this world. Do you
see? Only Love heals because It heals everything forever! Healing is
remembering and sharing what you already are as God created you, and
forgetting everything you thought you were instead!
I am here to
save you time! To link you up again. To give you a whole new way to
view and experience what’s happening to you—so you can remember
everything again and truly be happy!
across the bridge is waiting for you. You are not alone. And, there is
nothing wrong with you. In fact, it is just the opposite—the ordeal
that you are undergoing (alternating between relief and depression) is
simply that you are transitioning from who you are not, to Who you are!
I am here to help you!
I love you and
honor you. You are loved, treasured and needed by the whole Universe.
Your part in this great awakening is absolutely essential!
And I gladly
and gratefully welcome you Home at last!