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A Prisoners Declaration of Individual Awakening

With an Introduction by Liberty, and the Miracles Prisoner Ministry 
5/25/05


The Reward of Teaching

During one of our teaching visits to a prison in Wisconsin, an individual inmate in our “A Way Out” class remarked that he had found God.  He is at peace.  He said he can wake up in the morning and he is in peace, in prison, because he found God.

Well, I had an experience, just listening to him as he quietly stated the truth of his experience.  I always know it is true, when I come into revelation through an apparent “another".

Wow, how effortless it really is to find God…When you want God…And only God.

We have been traveling 2½ hours every Friday to teach in a Wisconsin
prison, holding about 3 hours of classes, for some months now. I had noticed this individual, Karl, in our class each week.  He is very quiet, very organized, and quietly expresses himself.  He keeps a journal, very thoroughly reviews his 12- Step program, and states that he goes over his day to see what he can improve on.  He sees the importance of being thorough and honest so that he can plan what kind of day he would like for the next day.  It is quite profound for me to hear the inmates teach from the Workbook of A Course in Miracles.  These brothers are in an active, practical application of these whole new ideas and miracle principles. They are performing miracles and applying prayer to help others.

The entire class began to open up when we did Lesson 28: “Above all else I want to see things differently.”  That was the most practical lesson for these men.  This workbook lesson states that you are now making a commitment to withdraw your preconceived ideas about every idea, and opening your mind to the commitment of truly seeing.  Hidden under all our ideas about every idea, is its real purpose- the purpose it shares with the entire universe.  And everything is an idea!  These inmates open up in class, by stating their name: Hi, My name is Karl, and I am the Holy Son of God Himself.

I have learned so much from this individual and from these classes.  Why?  Because God is my Source.   I cannot see apart from Him.

What are the rewards of teaching?  When you take a stranger in, he becomes your brother. When Karl expressed that he found peace, and that he found God, I asked him to write his story.  Karl has never told his story before.

Here it is:



"LIFE'S JOURNEY"

 My name is Karl, and I am going to share with you briefly of a journey I chose to take with my life. A life for over 20 years lived with failure, rejection, denial, fear, addiction, and so much more. Any choices or decisions I made were only for my selfish desires, with no regards or concern of who I took advantage of, or whom I hurt, were of no consequence to me. Reality? I did whatever I had to in order to stay out of any type of reality.  Unknown to me, this vicious cycle was going to kill me someday.

The double life I call Good vs. Evil was having its way with me in a never ending battle. My beliefs, my goals, my awareness, my responsibilities, were all destroyed in the addiction of drugs and alcohol.  Contrary to being raised by loving parents who never gave up trying to help, the one all important value I lacked was living with Jesus in my heart, and a God to guide me on my journey.  The only God of my awareness was that there is a power responsible for everything, everywhere, but where was this God when I needed Him?  I've had my share of lost jobs, broken trust, and anything else you can imagine.  The only relationships I chose to share were with those who I thought were just like me, and had no worries in the world.  Living life in the fast lane continued with no real end in sight.  Being influenced, I chose more, thus began my criminal trouble.

Numerous trips in and out of jail, in and out of treatment centers, my sobriety episodes were only short lived.  Again, I chose to ignore reality.  I still believed I was in control and no one was going to tell me otherwise.  After all, the only miracle I know is that I am still alive but have a hatred for life.

Finally, God chose to speak to me.  My mother's life was taken for what purpose.  I thought was only for anger and resentment toward this Higher Power.  Such a wonderful mother, who was there for me no matter what circumstances, was taken from me.  The attachment, we had, and just how precious life can be, was but a blur for me.  My vicious cycle of using drugs, destroyed emotions, irrational thinking, spun me into trouble with the law once again.  Consequences were meaningless, for my depression, lost hope, and despair, were entertaining thoughts of ending my misery by suicide.

In the mean time, I had a bone to pick with my Maker.  My dark hole was becoming larger and deeper.  By now everything up to this point was the norm for me.  Then this God chose to speak to me once again.  This time I was notified by the police that my identical twin brother chose to end his life next to our mother's grave site.  A bond that is shared between twins is hard to describe.  It’s a bond which we shared with our mother and he chose to go and be with her.  How on earth can a loving God punish me in this way?  He must know that I can't take much more of this misery. In total shock and total denial I had chosen to end any type of reality.  Insane thoughts and emotions were out of control.  All I wanted to achieve was to numb everything.  And this took me to attempting to take my life.  My way, not God's way.

In the following two weeks I tried overdosing with drugs, stepping into the path of a semi-truck and I even tried to obtain a gun.  Some way, my Higher Power stepped in each time to spare my life.  How dare he plan my life, I'll show Him I'm the boss!

Committing another forgery to pay for my addiction, God stepped in yet again.  My family, my wife, my parole officer and, yes, God knew I was in trouble.  I was placed in the county jail being revoked for four years and facing another twenty five years on the new charge. This new fear I chose to have was enough to finish me.

”In my suicide cell I had enough fabric to tie around my neck, cutting off any attempts to breathe. I lay motionless under my blanket, unknown to anyone or so I thought.  What I failed to understand was how my Higher Power uses others to help.  I had been so mentally and physically drained that I passed out quickly and painlessly.  I recall thinking; it's finally going to be over.” 

The next thing I know I'm being treated by jail staff. 

You see an officer was walking to get another person from their cell and noticed I was lying motionless and found me blue in color unconscious under my blanket.  Like my mother, God with His grace and forgiveness never gave up on me, no matter what the circumstances were.  A miracle you say? You better believe it!  As I look back now, I have been blessed with endless miracles my whole life, and now, forever.  The best way to describe my new change is, Peace, happiness, Love, no fear. 

Near to ending my four year prison term I have given the control to my Higher Power.  What an amazing feeling.  Oh yea, that twenty five years on the new charge I was facing?  Once again, God said, "No way!"  No additional charge time was given.  When you have a pure heart filled with Jesus, good things just keep coming.

Just look at me---A Living Miracle!
One day at a time.

Karl.

Miracles Prisoner Ministry      www.miraclesprisonerministry.org
 

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