Personal Transformation

Bodhi’s Story

"It occurred to me that I could be wrong about everything!"

The first time I saw him, he was teaching in an old abandoned whaling station that had been converted into an auditorium, on the edge of a small coastal town, Byron Bay, in New South Wales, Australia. He was standing in the center of what had been a huge, gigantic refrigeration unit, surrounded by a perfect circle of intensely focused people, and he was teaching up a storm.

There was the Master Teacher, the enlightened One who had come out from the United States to give a seminar based on Jesus’ teachings in A Course in Miracles. He taught for hours and hours, making absolutely scintillating sense to me. I was never more intrigued than in those hours standing in that circle of light - I had to know more.

I had been doing this Course in Miracles for a few years, but now I realized that I had never really comprehended it; this Master Teacher had pulled out meaning for me that I had suspected was there, but could never grasp. The release from concepts to meaning that the Master had revealed to me in so short a time was awesome; I had finally found someone who lived in the Real World.  
I was experiencing a happiness that felt borrowed; it was as though this teacher and those around him had an over-abundance of joy and they were giving it away to anyone who wanted it.  My deep fear was that all this euphoria would not last, simply because I could not see it coming from me. I could not yet see the integral nature of my own Whole Mind as it was revealing Itself to me.

'I was newly activated'

After that seminar, I was newly activated; I got involved with the guys in Australia who wanted to set up A Course In Miracles Academy.  It was great fun.  We were still all smoking, some were even going out and getting pissed and staying awake all night and then coming to our daily group sessions in the morning bleary-eyed, then running out during session to have a cigarette or a cup of coffee - we would all smoke the one cigarette in rounds - it is so funny now as I think about the way we behaved back then in 1997. We were so crazy; we hadn’t stopped meat eating or anything like that … and then all of a sudden we did.
Hector, another teacher from the United States, was invited to come out to our new Academy.  I was so excited about this guy, Hector; nobody local knew who he was.  It was rumored by those who had lived with him at the Wisconsin Academy that he was an uncompromising American Master. I had heard tales that he was this incredible guru who was going to come and transform us all. And in a completely unexpected way, that was exactly what happened. He did come and everything did change. It was miraculous.  
Ten guys quit smoking the first day – they just stopped. It just left them, there was no struggle or pain, it was just another miracle. I was starting to take miracles for granted; they were occurring with great regularity all around me; I felt blessed.  
Hector would not stand for any compromise at all. He would not play up to our inflated egos, and from that perspective there were a lot of problems politically within the Byron Bay Academy; lots of things "went wrong" for some of the local teachers, egos were badly bruised as Hector’s visit was extended longer and longer.

'It was absurd'

I never knew his intentions but I was under the impression that he was not staying on, I was so glad he did though! There were odd attempts at a coup from various quarters, letters to local papers, a book was written thinly accusing us of “cult” activity; it was absurd and through it all Hector remained constant, only offering the truth in his own masterfully uncompromising way. 
By ‘uncompromising’ I mean that Hector was able to easily make contact with the Truth within and this gave him a tangible honesty and integrity that others could see and feel. He was not a “diplomat”, he could see right through the defenses of those around him and he commanded respect and love from all who Knew him. 
Hector showed me that I really wanted the certainty that shone out of him; blazing into the room he spoke with divine eloquence hour after hour, day in and day out with a passion not of the world. I didn’t know how I was to achieve it but I wanted that certainty in my life.
I came to America to do the program with the Master at Endeavor Academy in Wisconsin.  Hector gave me every assistance. I was still physically quite dependent on those around me - I had had a stroke ten years earlier at the age of thirty-five, and I was still subject to the faulty idea that I was “a disabled person.”  At that time I believed this very strongly about myself.  

'When I arrived in America'

When I arrived in America, I had a total blast – it was so amazing to be living at this center, with all this love, all this appreciation, certainty and knowledge of the Truth. I loved it.  For several months I was sure I had come Home and I luxuriated in the experience. Then to my utter disillusionment it all disappeared and I was left with the same self, the same conflicts I’d always had!  To my surprise I had been in what we have all experienced here as "the honeymoon period", and now I was again confronted with the uncertainty that was the only self I knew. 
Naturally, I tried to examine my experience; I pulled it all to pieces trying to figure out what had happened – I concluded that the place, this Academy, was the problem.   I made up all sorts of stories in my mind about what I thought this experience was, mine as well as everyone else's. I became the consummate judge advocate from hell; guilt, anger and pain traipsed around after me like Pigpen and his flies, it was pitiful.
I was miserable for years believing that the Master was picking on me about my disability, and then he would go back to simply ignoring me!  I couldn’t understand how “he” could treat “me” so badly … Then suddenly an explosion of understanding cracked open my brain, it dawned, I was doing it to myself.  I was the one, I was treating myself badly and I was getting the result. Everything I looked at was reflecting my thoughts about myself – I was seeing how absolutely I was the cause, yet I was blaming him and everyone else for the conflict in my own mind. Arghhh!!!
It was so exciting, (finally after years of reading the concepts and listening to not just Course teachers, but all sorts of spiritual and New Age teachers saying the same thing in a million ways), that that single sane thought had lighted on my mind, I was the cause of everything I was seeing and experiencing and no other cause was there!
Master simply showed me what a totally selfish liar I was; this was at the same time the most embarrassing and the most enlightening experience of my life. I was totally given everything, I was totally woken up. I was shown that I am my own curriculum – I have total power within my own mind to rethink any situation correctly

'I AM SAVED'

When I find myself suffering in any way, the answer is clear; I have forgotten my own causation – this is a joyous remembering that I AM SAVED, and I explode in the graciousness of prayer, “Thank you Father! I haven’t sinned, I simply forgot”.  This is knowledge; it is awesome, it is my total freedom; I want to shout it from the rooftops, I want everyone to know. I have found complete release from my preconceived human ideas of what I thought I was, and what I thought was going on. I can breathe at last!
I wanted everyone to know what my revelation had shown me; that I was doing it to myself, and that anyone who would take responsibility for themselves and their own thoughts, would know immediately that there is no harm in the universe.
An opportunity presented itself to go to Holland for one of Master’s seminars; after the seminar, I got my chance to teach. I had stayed on in Amsterdam for an extra few days in a tiny apartment with a Dutch friend, Joost; we had a lot of fun, we went all around the city on the canal boats and ate all sorts of funny food, pastries and extremely strong beer (we didn’t drink it; we just smelt it in the cafes!). We decided to have A Course in Miracles meeting; we telephoned the guys we knew and asked them to join us. It was my first teaching assignment outside the Academy, and it was awesome.
I stood in my new certainty and remembered who I was doing this for. For myself.  I had learned that I needed to teach because simply hearing it from another person, no matter how revelatory that had been was not enough to make it my own permanent, inner experience. I knew in my heart that if I did not follow Jesus’ injunction ‘teach it to learn it’, the grip of ego was ever-powerful in attempting to reclaim its territory, it would pull me back into its judgmental thought system, where I would become just another armchair reader of the Course.
I returned to the US Academy, and felt compelled to teach. And like everything I did at that time, I went completely to the extreme.  Applying my dictatorial propensities to the task, I would stop people in the halls and rant at them. If anyone dared to enter my dorm room, he had better be ready for a fire-and-brimstone teaching. When I think back, it was horrendous. It was funny as well. I got away with hell and that’s exactly where I ended up. I became so disheartened; I needed to get away from myself. In my blind attempt to escape the source of my pain, my solution was to put it outside myself by blaming my brothers – “they” didn’t understand.  I left the Academy!

virtual reality”

I traveled to Washington DC and lived there with a friend I had met online. We shared an interest in “virtual reality” software. Thea, my friend, was not interested in the Course or in God. She was “happy,” she said, with her life. I had moved away from the clean, ordered life of the Academy into what seemed to me to be the death-wish of humanity. I had forgotten to a great extent how the upside-down thinking of the world, as described by Jesus in A Course In Miracles, worked to kill everything it touched. Once again, I was devastated.
I saw the incredible paradox of my need to teach those around me, yet they didn’t want to hear anything I had to say.  I couldn’t “teach” verbally without feeling ridiculed.  I was in a constant state of crucifixion.  So I gave up and attempted to adapt to Thea’s lifestyle. From the very start, the condition of my own mind caught in judgment was ruefully apparent to me; I couldn’t stand the stench of dead meat coming from the refrigerator or from her.  The overt pain and suffering that to Thea was normal, was exhausting and evilly amusing to me, and being me, I couldn’t help the occasional sarcastic comment, which made everything worse. Crucifixion was still the name of my game.
I wasn’t used to the illness in the world anymore, and I couldn’t stand the black disdain I felt for the people I was with, who to my mind, were obviously not taking responsibility for their own thinking.  I was the cause of everything I saw except this.  I felt guiltily superior…none of us at the Academy ever complained about illness, and on the odd occasion someone appeared to have a slight cold, it would be denied as sickness and called transformational.
I believed that mere humans could not know of my experience of singularity, of oneness with God and everything.  How could they?  For it was I who was seeing them wrongly.  I saw them as yet unable to access the integrity and honesty it would take to admit to their total situation.  Their problems all came from their acceptance of duality without questioning it:  pain and pleasure, sickness and health, life and death.  Believing this of Thea, I knew it was ridiculous for me to continue in judgment of her, or even to attempt to change her stories of woe--she hadn’t made the same commitment for herself as I had, and I could not compromise myself any longer--I hated it and I hated myself, so I decided to leave.

'A Course In Miracles'

Upon my announcement of defeat, and out of the blue, Thea said, “I want to study A Course In Miracles with you. I want to stop killing myself. I’ll do whatever you say. Just don’t leave!” It was a miracle. To my surprise, I found I had been teaching wordlessly all along.  And we were both hearing it! Something of the knowledge that had been given to me had touched Thea and she wanted more. I was learning something fundamental:  above the battleground of my egoic thought-system, there was a growing certainty in the miracle, a devotion to my brother, and a remembering of my trust in God, which was healing both of us.
My heart was full. I was grateful to find that even in this seemingly hopeless situation, the light had come and done its work without my having to say a word. I set about sharing the uncompromising teachings of Jesus’ A Course In Miracles with Thea. Miracles occurred spontaneously. Thea saw her cholesterol drop from a dangerously high level to normal (her doctors were dumbfounded); she even began questioning the reality of death as it appeared to occur in her relatives and friends.  We saw the destruction of the twin towers on 9/11, and we were only a few miles away from the Pentagon when it was hit. Every kind of learning situation presented itself for us to practice the change of mind necessary to see through the lies of the ego.    
I stayed on in Washington for a year or so.  By this time I had come to trust the guidance that occurs in my mind, symbols and outer happenings were no longer necessary for me to hear this guidance, though they are welcome when they come. One afternoon, lying on my bed, deep in prayer asking my most frequent question, ‘Father, what is my next step?’  It simply became apparent that it was time for me to return to the Academy in Wisconsin. I booked a two-way airline ticket, thinking I was going for a short holiday.  I was wrong.  Within three days of my arrival it was clear where I belonged.  I telephoned Thea and asked her to join me.
Home again at the Academy, I suddenly found a whole new team of players with a brand new project emerging right in front of me.  It started one day, I found myself sitting in my friend, Diana’s office complaining, “We’re doing it all wrong,” I said.  “There is a better way of spreading the word.”  Diana, in her inimitable graciousness, asked me, “What do you want to do, Bodhi?” What I wanted to do was to build websites, offering not A Course In Miracles, but the honest experiences of my brothers who had become enlightened through this masterpiece. I must admit that I was feeling timid and even a little fearful that Diana might slam me, but of course she didn’t. “Yes, Bodhi,” she said. “Go for it! I’ll help, in any way that I can.” And she did. Diana attended our meetings and gave us everything. She viewed the websites as we made them and made helpful suggestions.
We were building sites and trying to make them into magazines, to communicate the personal experiences of the people who owned the sites. This was not working. We decided to build a place on the web which would bring the sites together and that did not work either.

'Twelve of us got together'

Twelve of us got together with Diana in the Library one day. It was a totally outrageous meeting of Mind.  We played with each other, we were like children; there was so much excitement. The laughter and joy bubbled over until we had tears in our eyes. All notions of spiritual and political correctness vanished, and we got to a fundamental place with each other, where our thoughts melded.  In that firestorm of ideas, The Miracle Times was born.  Now we’ve got it!!!  We ARE going to save the world at last—from US!!!
The Miracle Times includes all traditions and none; it is a place where everyone can bring certainty to their own experiences by sharing them openly with others. The Miracle Times is a vehicle for acknowledging that you are your own curriculum. It has deepened my certainty simply by being associated with it.
Anyway, back to my story!
I understand now that I had no choice in the matter of my awakening. It has nothing to do with me. It was just my time. The fact of my enlightenment is entirely of God. It is God’s plan and He has me perfectly, I was just duping myself until I realized it. I had nothing at all to do with my salvation. I did not do anything. In fact, I fought against it, I fought against my teachers, and I fought against the Master. I fought against everybody at the Academy. I didn’t do the things I was supposed to do; and I did all the things I was not supposed to do and still, it worked perfectly.
If my experience is true, and I know that it is true, I know that everyone got it with me.  My understanding that I am the holy Son of God is the clear knowledge that I didn’t get this alone. I became absolutely certain in the moment of my enlightenment, in the moment of my revelation, in the moment of my resurrection – I was lifted out of the world, lifted out of my humanity and shown that I am not alone, and that there is nothing missing from me –   no part of me is absent, and that all of the thoughts and all of the experiences I have "peopled" the world with – they are all from me, they are all out of me, and they are all still part of me.

'It’s absolutely God’s gift'

If there is a perception in the world that enlightenment is something that you do, that going to India and getting a guru and meditating for a hundred and fifty years is what it takes, well, I know now it has got nothing at all to do with it –   though I would not take away from anyone something they believe they must do, because like my own Honeymoon Period at the Academy, it might make for a slightly happier illusion, it might calm down some sort of hyperactive behavior but there is nothing you can do of yourself to get enlightened. It’s absolutely God’s gift – I know because in my journey into the world, into insanity, I went completely away from who I was, I was lost, and I could not get myself back. Only God can do that.
God’s plan for salvation is so all-encompassing, that I could have been an acid-tripper in a nightclub in Melbourne when I experienced the enlightenment of my mind, instead of being here in the US –  I would have received it there in that nightclub in Australia, because it was my time. The Bible speaks of the experience, as, ‘the coming of a thief in the night’; it was all a matter of time.  (Ah! Yes!)
I found my Master in the moment of my deepest despair; I had gone to India expecting to find enlightenment. I found instead drugs, sex and rock ‘n’ roll, just the exact same thing I found in the West, I found in the East. It was just cheaper, and I could have more of it. I came back to Australia full of drugs and sex and rock ‘n’ roll. It was terrible, so empty. I was devastated, and in that devastation, I was open – for a moment – to a savior of the world.  The Master appeared in my dream at the exact moment when I needed him, I was ready.  He played his part in the salvation of my world perfectly.  And now I stand side by side with him, making the same offering to my world, to you.  We are one. 
Master was there in my hour of greatest need and he was able to contact me, he reached down into my nightmare and pulled me out. There is nothing special about it. He was not calling me friend or enemy. He gave me everything he had, it was not special – he gives it to everyone. He was calling me “the village idiot,” his nickname for me; it woke me. 

Thank you

Bodhi Evans
 

USA/Australia
miracleweb@hotmail.com


 

Close Window