The Burden of
Journal ~ Scene 5
By Josh Accetta
Thursday, December 11, 2003
I sat down to meditate as usual
at about 8:30 p.m. I had spent much of the day considering the Course's
"The Final Vision", and wanted to call the Master with a question that
had arisen during that consideration: "Does one need to drop the body in
order to complete the transformation?” In truth, the question had no
meaning to me; it simply arose consistently throughout the day. The
Master was not at home when I called, and so I decided to ask Him
inwardly. I closed my eyes and immediately felt movement at the base of
the spine. It was as if an eye opened at the root, and a living presence
revealed itself. An active and powerful energy began to move upwards,
the now familiar undulating movement of the body began. I spoke aloud:
“Only You Lord, only You”. With this, the energy intensified and moved
upwards into my head.
The head filled with light for a moment, and then a thought, perhaps one
of inadequacy, or of being ill prepared dropped the energy into the
throat area. It seemed to pool up causing tremendous pressure. There was
awareness of some resistance in the area, but an inability to get a
sense of a specific thought or form.
I began to feel an intense nausea as the body and especially the head
swung violently side to side. The nausea became so abysmal that it
flooded my awareness until I felt I could not continue. With this
thought, the energy abated, and the body rested. I became aware that I
was breathing deeply and rhythmically. I opened my eyes and recognized
that there was nothing to
fear, as I could easily return to familiar waking consciousness simply
by willing to do so.
I called upon Jesus and the Master Teacher, and once again began the
ascent up the spine as the energy was magnified. There was the
realization that the more that thoughts were in alignment with Reality,
the more intensely the energy moved. I saw that the energy
(Kundalini/Holy Spirit) was teaching me to discern truth from illusion
in this manner: whenever a thought arose which denied the experience,
the energy (and associated bodily movement) subsided; when a thought
arose which supported the continuing process, the energy intensified.
And so by aligning my thoughts with the process, I was able to ascend
closer and closer to the Divine Realm (above the crown).
I moved through domains of consciousness, some of which I recognized
from the sacred literature. I moved thru the Buddhist sphere of no mind,
and saw countless beings in a state which seemed to me to be oblivion or
emptiness. I felt an impulse to remain there and rest. The peace
associated with stilled and silent awareness was very attractive,
especially in light of the
intense physical process associated with the ascent. However, there was
an intuitive understanding that this was not the end of the journey, and
a simultaneous surrendering of will to God in the Form the Unfolding
I stopped within the sphere of the channel or scribe, and saw that at
this level, there was unlimited access to the esoteric wisdom, and the
ability to translate the transmission into words. I wrote the following:
“One only falls back into time as far as is necessary to achieve
equanimity. Therefore the more comfortable one is with alternative ways
of being, the less time one accrues in the form of memory.”
“One only accumulates as much memory (energy) as one requires to live
without inordinate fear. This is why the teaching is to release the
“”I take all forms’ is a literal fact. He takes all forms in order to
penetrate as that, to reach all of His thoughts”.
“It is critical to align oneself with higher frequencies in the form of
relations, teachings and so forth. When the moment comes at last to
depart, the truth of the teachings will be highlighted in awareness, and
provide guidance for the transition.”
There was movement up into the crown and the head exploded in light. The
physical sensation was overwhelming; I simply could not tolerate the
body’s movement and the accompanying nausea. I felt the need to vomit,
and when the energy waned, I managed to find my way to the bathroom.
I stopped and looked at the body in the mirror. It was moving in accord
with the tremors rippling through my spine, and seemed to blend into the
background as if my perception of the physical had become pallid and one
dimensional. I started to vomit and the thought occurred to me that if I
continued, I would choke. I spoke aloud “I need to drop this body in
order to complete the process, don’t I?” The energy increased markedly.
Humor arose with the realization, and I chuckled aloud. I was now faced
with a decision: should I continue and risk "dying" in order to complete
the ascent, or sit back down and quietly return to the familiar. I spoke
out-loud while shaking my head “I can't make this decision, this is
Memories flooded my awareness. I recalled the tremendous fear associated
with dropping the body in my previous incarnation. I remembered gasping
for air and being entirely unwilling to submit to the death of the body.
(I saw the synchronicity of events in this lifetime: asthma and two near
drownings as a child, a rare disorder of the esophagus as an adult, my
strange inability to learn how to swim.) I died in fear, and was now
being offered the opportunity to choose once again.
There could be simple surrender to “death” with the conscious awareness
that the Heavenly Host was providing support from the “other side”. They
were tangible in their presence: Jesus and His Course in Miracles, “And
the last illusion to be overcome is death”, the Master Teacher assuring
that “there is no death” and the voices of countless others who had made
the transition, “There is nothing to fear”...
The light filled the head once more and the profound body tremors began.
There was movement toward the crown as waves of ecstatic energy rolled
up the body and into the head. The nausea increased, compounded by the
now frantically undulating head and body. The pressure mounted and
became unbearable as it pressed against the crown. “I’m not afraid”, I
repeated again and again hoping the words would somehow offset the
emerging acknowledgment that no, I was not going to make it. Not this
As the energy and body movement settled, I walked back to the sofa and
sat cross-legged. With eyes closed I could still feel the current of
ecstasy moving through the body. I thanked Jesus over and over again,
recognizing that the result of the process is secure, despite this
When Jesus overcame death, He did so for one and all.