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The Burden of Consciousness

A Dream Journal ~ Scene 5

By Josh Accetta


Thursday, December 11, 2003
I sat down to meditate as usual at about 8:30 p.m. I had spent much of the day considering the Course's "The Final Vision", and wanted to call the Master with a question that had arisen during that consideration: "Does one need to drop the body in order to complete the transformation?” In truth, the question had no meaning to me; it simply arose consistently throughout the day. The Master was not at home when I called, and so I decided to ask Him inwardly. I closed my eyes and immediately felt movement at the base of the spine. It was as if an eye opened at the root, and a living presence revealed itself. An active and powerful energy began to move upwards, and
the now familiar undulating movement of the body began. I spoke aloud: “Only You Lord, only You”. With this, the energy intensified and moved upwards into my head.

The head filled with light for a moment, and then a thought, perhaps one of inadequacy, or of being ill prepared dropped the energy into the throat area. It seemed to pool up causing tremendous pressure. There was awareness of some resistance in the area, but an inability to get a sense of a specific thought or form.

I began to feel an intense nausea as the body and especially the head swung violently side to side. The nausea became so abysmal that it flooded my awareness until I felt I could not continue. With this thought, the energy abated, and the body rested. I became aware that I was breathing deeply and rhythmically. I opened my eyes and recognized that there was nothing to
fear, as I could easily return to familiar waking consciousness simply by willing to do so.

I called upon Jesus and the Master Teacher, and once again began the ascent up the spine as the energy was magnified. There was the realization that the more that thoughts were in alignment with Reality, the more intensely the energy moved. I saw that the energy (Kundalini/Holy Spirit) was teaching me to discern truth from illusion in this manner: whenever a thought arose which denied the experience, the energy (and associated bodily movement) subsided; when a thought arose which supported the continuing process, the energy intensified. And so by aligning my thoughts with the process, I was able to ascend closer and closer to the Divine Realm (above the crown).

I moved through domains of consciousness, some of which I recognized from the sacred literature. I moved thru the Buddhist sphere of no mind, and saw countless beings in a state which seemed to me to be oblivion or emptiness. I felt an impulse to remain there and rest. The peace associated with stilled and silent awareness was very attractive, especially in light of the
intense physical process associated with the ascent. However, there was an intuitive understanding that this was not the end of the journey, and a simultaneous surrendering of will to God in the Form the Unfolding Process.

I stopped within the sphere of the channel or scribe, and saw that at this level, there was unlimited access to the esoteric wisdom, and the ability to translate the transmission into words. I wrote the following:

“One only falls back into time as far as is necessary to achieve equanimity. Therefore the more comfortable one is with alternative ways of being, the less time one accrues in the form of memory.”

“One only accumulates as much memory (energy) as one requires to live without inordinate fear. This is why the teaching is to release the past.”

“”I take all forms’ is a literal fact. He takes all forms in order to penetrate as that, to reach all of His thoughts”.

“It is critical to align oneself with higher frequencies in the form of relations, teachings and so forth. When the moment comes at last to depart, the truth of the teachings will be highlighted in awareness, and provide guidance for the transition.”

There was movement up into the crown and the head exploded in light. The physical sensation was overwhelming; I simply could not tolerate the body’s movement and the accompanying nausea. I felt the need to vomit, and when the energy waned, I managed to find my way to the bathroom.

I stopped and looked at the body in the mirror. It was moving in accord with the tremors rippling through my spine, and seemed to blend into the background as if my perception of the physical had become pallid and one dimensional. I started to vomit and the thought occurred to me that if I
continued, I would choke. I spoke aloud “I need to drop this body in order to complete the process, don’t I?” The energy increased markedly.

Humor arose with the realization, and I chuckled aloud. I was now faced with a decision: should I continue and risk "dying" in order to complete the ascent, or sit back down and quietly return to the familiar. I spoke out-loud while shaking my head “I can't make this decision, this is

Memories flooded my awareness. I recalled the tremendous fear associated with dropping the body in my previous incarnation. I remembered gasping for air and being entirely unwilling to submit to the death of the body. (I saw the synchronicity of events in this lifetime: asthma and two near drownings as a child, a rare disorder of the esophagus as an adult, my strange inability to learn how to swim.) I died in fear, and was now being offered the opportunity to choose once again.

There could be simple surrender to “death” with the conscious awareness that the Heavenly Host was providing support from the “other side”. They were tangible in their presence: Jesus and His Course in Miracles, “And the last illusion to be overcome is death”, the Master Teacher assuring that “there is no death” and the voices of countless others who had made the transition, “There is nothing to fear”...

The light filled the head once more and the profound body tremors began. There was movement toward the crown as waves of ecstatic energy rolled up the body and into the head. The nausea increased, compounded by the now frantically undulating head and body. The pressure mounted and became unbearable as it pressed against the crown. “I’m not afraid”, I repeated again and again hoping the words would somehow offset the emerging acknowledgment that no, I was not going to make it. Not this time. (Editors Note)

As the energy and body movement settled, I walked back to the sofa and sat cross-legged. With eyes closed I could still feel the current of ecstasy moving through the body. I thanked Jesus over and over again, recognizing that the result of the process is secure, despite this temporary setback.

When Jesus overcame death, He did so for one and all.